Move over fellas, because there’s a new gal in town, and she’s ready to topple your boys’ club! Kellyanne Conway, Washington’s new “It” girl has everyone buzzing, “Who is she?” You may have read a bit about her in Cosmo’s Who Is Kellyanne Conway? 13 Things to Know About Donald Trump’s Presidential Counselor. But if you’re hungry for more, we got the exclusive scoop on 4 more little-known facts about the mystery girl!
1. She was the first ever person to be born fully grown and screaming at max volume.
Few know of the totally MIRACULOUS story of Kellyanne’s birth! Despite her mother’s OBGYN insisting there was “absolutely no way for a grown human woman to birth another fully grown human woman,” Kellyanne was always one to defy the odds — from day one! Kellyanne emerged from her mother’s glass ceiling at the impressive height of 5’7’’, 140 pounds, and screaming at the top of her fully-developed but benign lungs in a language that linguists were unable to discern. Inspiring!
2. She maintains a balanced diet of concrete (for strength) and styrofoam (for pleasure!)
Often people ask, “What fuels the woman who has it all? How does she toe that unsettling line of seeming as though she’ll fade away at any moment, but could also crush someone’s skull with her bare hands?” Kellyanne let us in on her little secret: a constant intake of concrete for nutrition, but when she’s feeling naughty and needs a treat — a bit of styrofoam to munch on. Get it, girl!
3. Legally, she is neither alive nor dead.
This one is SO cool: Kellyanne exists in a state that has not yet been legally recognized! While doctors cannot find a heartbeat, or on that note, any functioning organs — somehow Kellyanne keeps on kicking. Talk about refusing to be defined by labels!
4. She’s seen the darkness.
OK, so we’re not 100% on what this one means, but it sure sounds cool! “I’ve seen the darkness” is what Kellyanne repeated over and over again with startlingly controlled rhythm during a phone interview with one of our reporters. Unfortunately our requests for clarity fell on deaf ears, as the phone we called on almost immediately disintegrated into a powder-like substance that we are currently struggling to identify. That’s just one of the things we love about Kellyanne: she always keeps us guessing!